


you're the culmination (of everything i never had)

by antpelts



Series: we made a pact [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Rich Goranski, Canon Compliant, College, Eating Disorders, Gay Michael Mell, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Michael Mell Has ADHD, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reconciliation, Rich Goranski Has ADHD, Slow Burn, Trans Male Character, Trans Michael Mell, Trans Rich Goranski, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24535003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antpelts/pseuds/antpelts
Summary: Michael didn’t handle goodbyes well.Rich didn’t handle staying well.Neither handled vulnerability well.// rich makes a messy exit from michael's life. michael makes an awkward entrance back into rich's life.
Relationships: Rich Goranski/Michael Mell
Series: we made a pact [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1773904
Comments: 26
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay..... i got this idea for a slow burn so here i am..  
> lowkey gonna be a crossover fic with an eventual sister fic from another pov

Michael didn’t handle goodbyes well.

Rich didn’t handle staying well.

Neither handled vulnerability well.

So Rich waited until _after_ prom night to tell Michael. He waited until after finals. He waited until they were trapped in the stuffy heat of his basement, close but not quite touching.

Never touching.

Sodas over ice and a box fan weren’t enough to quell the discomfort that hung heavy in the room. The air was thick with heat and everything Rich knew he had to say.

“I’m leaving.” It was sudden, his voice was weak as he quickly sat up, wrapping arms around himself.

“Thought you didn’t want to be at home?” Michael arched a brow, nose scrunching up in confusion as he sipped some blasphemous mix of sodas through a straw. (Something artificially strawberry with some cola.)

“No.” Remembering _home_ made his chest tight, it had never truly been his home. And it wouldn’t be anymore. “I’m.. leaving leaving. I’m moving.”

“What?” Something bubbled up in Michael’s words and it caught Rich off guard - was he angry? “What happened to.. ‘less than two years, we’ll make it’.”

“My brother.”

“What about me?”

The tone cracked and Rich felt himself falter, this wasn’t Michael. Michael was fun, he was loud, he was _happy._ He wasn’t angry or questioning or confrontational. Right?

“W..What?” Rich swallowed thickly, shifting uncomfortably where he slouched in the beanbag chair.

“I told you.. you could stay here. Why..” His voice wavered and he paused, collecting himself. Rich didn’t need to hear it to know what he wanted to say, _‘why can’t I be enough?’_

“It’s.. my brother. I don’t know! I thought..” Suddenly he felt his own anger threatening to boil over. He thought Michael _got_ him when no one else had. They had each other. Had. Past tense. “I thought I’d be fine but I’m not! I can’t stand that stupid school.. Everything here is a reminder of everything I fucked up and everything that’s fucked up about me!”

Michael wasn’t his _boyfriend_ or anything, what right did he have to be so mad?

“So just fuck me then, right?” Out of the corner of his eye he saw Michael throw his hands up in defeat, soda since abandoned on the floor next to him.

“You’re.. You’re being selfish!” Rich’s gaze hardened as he stared at the floor, willing a pit to just open and swallow him whole. 

“Well, so are you then!”

“Fuck you, Mell!” Before he understood what was happening he was standing up, all the feelings were boiling over and his skin felt like it was burning. Again. He curled his hands into tight fists to keep from scratching at himself. For good measure he kicked the beanbag chair, it shifted by about a foot.

“Get the fuck out of my house.”

If you asked Rich he would have said he’d never thought Michael could look so cold.

If you asked Michael he would have said it was better to be cold than to break down. He’d done enough breaking down over people who didn’t care about him.

If you asked both of them again they would tear up and shake their heads and in unison, together but apart they’d say: “I was scared. Where is he? Please bring him back.”

They’d add on in a whisper: “I’m sorry.”

* * *

It took a while but.. Michael felt alright. He made it, that was enough. At least he didn’t spend the summer alone, he used the time to be with Jeremy. To patch up what they could. By senior year things felt alright. Not perfect, but alright.

School was hard. Not the work, just being there. Apparently he was the only one who Rich told what was going on. All summer he dodged calls and claimed he was busy until Michael finally broke the news. Despite everyone’s best attempts to connect over their pain Michael took his leave with that same news. Rich was what held him to that group of people. Sure, they were alright, they were your average teens, but Michael would rather keep to himself. Besides Jeremy he really only talked to Christine. It was alright.

Less socializing gave him more time to work on classes. To study for AP tests. To give one last ‘fuck you’ to public high school and knock it out of the park. He learned to celebrate his victories.

By spring he was looking at rooming arrangements. In the end he and Jeremy stuck with their initial plans of going to college together. Of being roommates. And Michael was happy.

They spent the summer celebrating. They celebrated the fact that they made it out alive. They celebrated for all the nights they cried, gasping and begging for air, the nights where they believed they wouldn’t make it. They celebrated for all the hurt, for all the scars, for all the aches and pains that they overcame. Michael was alive. He was breathing. He was happy.

Wasn’t he?

As the suffocating warmth of summer rolled back around he spent nights in bed struggling to breathe. His box fan rumbled quietly, struggling to cool him down as he choked back sobs. His desk was littered with sodas, his last one always still had a straw tucked in it. Every time the sun set on their summer celebrations he crawled into bed alone and cried. He sobbed and choked down thoughts of Rich.

Had he made it?

Had it been worth it?

Michael spent his nights longing and dreaming and yearning. For all the things he never got. For all the things he never got to _say._

* * *

“Hey asshole,” Michael grumbled, kicking his shoes off as he all but stumbled into his dorm. “Remind me why you didn’t do early move-in?”

“I had to finish my summer class!” There it was, Jeremy’s familiar (yet, slightly shaky) voice crackling over the line. It put him a bit more at ease.

“I know. It’s just exhausting. Like.. meeting people?” Pinning his phone to his ear with his shoulder, Michael reached down to push off shorts so he could crawl into bed. As he made his way across the room he flipped the air conditioning on. “They have all this shit to keep us busy. Which, if you were here would suck less. I’m tired of meeting people.”

“You say that but I bet you’ve already made friends.” He could practically hear Jeremy rolling his eyes.

“But I want my bestest fwiend,” Michael put on a pouty voice as he hopped up onto the bed. At least he’d gotten it delofted, even if it was still just a bit too tall for his liking. “But yeah, whatever. I did meet this one kid, he’s in the comp sci major too. It’s just so tiring to have to.. participate.”

“I’ll be there friday. Two more days.” There was a pause, the only noise between them was the quiet static of the line. “How.. how are you? Are you doing okay?”

They were getting better at being open with each other.

“I’m.. I don’t wanna think about him. I’m alright I guess.” While he was tired, he at least hadn’t been necessarily _down,_ but that was changing. He felt the mood drop like a bag of bricks in his chest. “Just.. wish he could be here too. Wish I could change shit. Too late now.”

“If it makes you feel better.. I’m sure he misses the hell out of you.” There was something unspoken in Jeremy’s words. There had always been something unspoken in the way people had talked about him and Rich.

“Well, it doesn’t change anything.”

“I know.”

* * *

**jeremy (2:12 pm):** almost in town!  
**jeremy (2:12 pm):** you better come help me move all this shit up  
**jeremy (2:12 pm):** and where do i get my key? lol

* * *

Rich watched his last few days of summer melt away outside his window. He should have moved onto campus early, staying in his brother’s quiet apartment was draining when the one friend he’d made was already setting up for school. He’d made it, though. At least there was that.

The sunset streaked over the sky and Rich just watched. He spent a lot of time like that, sat on his bed, watching the sky. He let himself feel everything he’d kept hidden for the last year, everything he couldn’t handle telling anyone. Maybe it wasn’t the right choice.. but he just wasn’t ready to face it. He needed time. He needed time to himself. 

So he watched the sky, wondering if someone else was watching the same sky, watching the same moon hang heavy in the sky.

When he came back to his senses he looked down at his phone, lips quirking in a slight smile as he choked out a short laugh. 

Somehow he’d managed to make a new friend senior year. From what he was able to piece together it seemed like he’d had his own breaking point with someone else. They had that much in common. Sure, they didn’t really talk about their feelings, but Rich was able to be himself. He wasn’t Rich Goranski who burnt a house down. He was someone’s friend. Plain and simple. They were there for each other in quiet ways that didn’t bare too much of their hearts.

Another text lit up his phone, another weird picture. Something that made him snort out a quiet laugh, typing back some reply of a string of ironic emojis.

It wasn’t perfect.

But he’d be alright.

* * *

**roomie (bitch) (3:44 pm):** what day are you moving in  
**roomie (bitch) (3:44 pm):** im being forced to ‘socialize’  
**roomie (bitch) (3:44 pm):** never thought id say this but come rescue me richie

* * *

Rolling his eyes Rich dropped back onto his bed, but a smile pulled on his lips. It felt nice to be wanted. To know he was wanted. To be sure of something.

Quickly tapping out a response he set his phone down at his side, letting his eyes fall shut. One more day. One more day before he could move into his dorm and his life could really begin. He supposed that called for a celebratory late afternoon nap.

If he could sleep, that is.

As soon as his eyes fell shut his thoughts wandered. Blurry pictures flashed through his head - memories. 

Rented tuxedos with red flowers pinned to the chest. Dancing close, but not too close. Hands lingering, brushing, touching. Breath that smelled like cheap beer. Taking off shoes because feet were starting to hurt. Mismatched socks. 

Did Michael still think about him?

More images flooded his head, unrelenting as they opened a yawning and yearning hole in his chest.

Strawberry soda with metal straws. Bandaids for falling off skateboards. Box fans humming quietly. Laughs that were deep and warm, that came from the chest. Cars with rolled down windows and busted A/C. Mixtapes and CDs and illegally downloaded music. Arcades and bowling alleys and ice cream trucks.

Did Michael ever really think of him?

A breath slipped past his lips in a shudder as more memories crawled out from the farthest back points of his mind - they were a little fuzzy, blurred with tears.

Starting high school in a new town. Being scared to speak with a lisp. A boy with a bright hoodie with something painted on the back. Headphones and clunky shoes. Being overlooked. Stumbling, falling, tripping. Stagnation. The first attempt. That beautiful boy with bright eyes. An offer. An offer he couldn’t refuse. A promise of happiness, a promise of everything he wanted. 400 dollars and the back of a Payless shoes. A bottle of Mountain Dew.

A sob clawed its way out of his throat, hands moved to grasp at his hair as his eyes shot open. Tears dripped down his cheeks, itchy against his skin. His chest held a dull ache and even opening his eyes couldn’t stop the images from filling his skull, flickering past him like a past-due powerpoint presentation he knew he’d get a C- on.

Pain, searing pain. A voice. Commands. Electricity along a spine. The heel of a hand on the back of a head, a sharp blow to the skull. Insults, taunts that didn’t quite fit in the mouth they fell out from. Friends. Fears. Fathers. Halloween. A fire. Pain, burning pain. Itching pain, aching pain, sobbing pain, gasping pain. A hospital. Alone.

With a shuddering breath Rich shot up in bed, rubbing at his face. 

One more day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been having a hard time writing lately, kudos and comments mean the world


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont know how many people are really reading these stories or how big 'writing commissions' even are but i am willing to write one shots or even multi chapters for anyone who may donate to charities rn in support of the blm movement in america, really any amount. if interested contact me on my tumblr, antpelts. stay safe everyone. <3

Move-in was fairly smooth on Rich’s end. It helped to have a roommate who’d moved in early with all the big furniture - most importantly, the TV. All he really had to move was clothes and stuff. Plus, he had Jared helping which probably cut the time it took in half.

Something didn’t feel quite right with him, but it didn’t feel like the time to push. Despite his rashness, Rich could take a hint. He was getting better at it. 

So after wishing his brother a safe trip home he started to unpack. While it was the last thing he wanted to do, Rich  _ knew  _ it’d catch up with him if he didn’t start. It took a bit, but he started to make a dent.

“I met this guy who’s totally your type,” Jared called down from his bunk, idly scrolling on his phone.

Rich rolled his eyes and shoved a few more shirts into the university provided dresser. Crossing the room, he switched to start shoving some pencils and pens into his desk drawer. “What do you know about my type?”

“Geeky weirdos?”

Rich huffed out a breath, face flushing deeply. He thought about prom, about how Michael’s hand had been so close to his own.

“What about you then? What’s your type?” Without waiting for an answer, or looking up, Rich babbled on, “nervous wrecks who are kind of assholes? I could set you up with this kid I knew from my old high school.”

When he finally glanced away from his desk he saw a middle finger pointed in his direction.

“Fuck off, Richie.”

He knew when to back off.

“It’s like.. almost 2. D’you wanna grab lunch?” Rich stacked a few textbooks on his desk before smoothing his palms over his shorts.  _ Most  _ of his stuff was unpacked and he was hungry as fuck. The rest could wait. And, well, hopefully he wouldn’t leave the rest of it sitting packed for the next month. No promises though.

* * *

Lunch was quiet. Well, as quiet as it could be when the tables around them were bustling with other incoming students making new connections and laughing loudly. Rich would never really get how people could just  _ make  _ friends. Especially just by approaching some random table and sitting down. At least he and Jared had something to bring them together - spanish projects.

They both scrolled through their phones aimlessly, every so often showing the other something that made them laugh. It was comfortable. By the time they were finishing up Jared seemed to crack a bit, breaking out of whatever rut he was in.

“You think about talking to that kid again?”

“Michael?” Rich glanced up from the cookie he was breaking a piece off of. Jared nodded, looking back down at his phone. “Well, yeah. All the time. He’s probably moved on, though. We’re probably both different people.”

A silence settled between them as Rich ate a piece of his cookie, trying to decipher what deeper meaning the question must have been holding.

“You thinking about Evan?”

Jared’s head shot up and immediately his gaze flickered somewhere else.

That was enough of an answer for him.

“We’re both kind of disasters with boys, huh?”

Jared snorted out a short laugh and that was the end of that.

Rich didn’t mind.

* * *

“Fuck off, fuck you,” Michael muttered to Jeremy as he used both hands to haul an especially heavy suitcase up the last few steps to their floor.

“I have stuff!” Jeremy squeaked out in his own defense, cradling a cardboard box in his arms.

“You don’t overpack one bag though!” Michael doubled over, panting when they finally made it to their room. “You gotta split it up.”

“I only have so many suitcases.” Jeremy slipped past him as he held the door open, setting the boxes on his desk.

“Yeah, yeah,” Michael rolled his eyes but let out a breathless laugh. “We gotta help your dad with the futon now.”

“There’s no way I can lift that thing.”

As it turned out, Jeremy was right. All he could really do was run ahead and hold any doors open as Michael and his dad struggled to make it up to their floor. At least that was the last of it.

Michael tried not to pay too much attention as Jeremy talked with his dad in the doorway - he didn’t want to intrude. It was nice though, to see them on better terms. As soon as his dad was out the door Jeremy flopped onto the newly put together futon, groaning as he let himself go limp. Michael couldn’t help but laugh.

“Well..” He crossed the room, dropping to sit on the edge of the futon next to Jeremy’s limp form. “Wanna lay here until dinner or do you wanna go check shit out on campus? There’s a ton of, like, freshman events this weekend.”

“How long until dinner?” Jeremy’s voice was muffled by cushions and Michael snorted, affectionately reaching over to ruffle his hair.

“It’s.. like, 4 now. I’ve been eating around 6 usually.”

“Can we.. just stay here?”

“Sure, dude.” While events were cool, Michael wouldn’t pass up the chance to relax in an air conditioned building and watch some TV. Especially after lugging all of Jeremy’s shit up four flights of stairs. Leaning forward he grabbed the TV remote, flipping it on. He aimlessly swiped through shows until he landed on some documentary. It was interesting enough, but also not  _ too  _ interesting - so if Jeremy wanted to talk he wouldn’t feel bad about missing parts.

It took almost half an hour before Jeremy finally moved, shifting to put his head in Michael’s lap as they just watched the TV. 

“Can I say something weird? Or.. ask?” Jeremy furrowed his brow, turning his head to look up at Michael.

“Sure?” Michael tipped his head to the side, turning down the volume on the TV slightly as it continued to drone on about sea life. 

“Rich.”

“Rich,” Michael repeated, gaze drifting away.

“I just.. had a weird dream last night. And.. what happened?”

Michael had sworn for the last year that he’d tell Jeremy when he was ready, hoping he’d just forget about it.

“I was just a dick,” he mumbled, shrugging. “So we stopped talking.”

“You guys were.. inseparable. Like, even more than we were.”

Michael heaved a heavy sigh, curling his hands into fists.

“Well, I guess he didn’t.. care about me in the same way and I got pissed. We.. fought? That was it.”

“The same way?” Jeremy let his own gaze drift back to the TV. Michael did better at talking when there weren’t eyes on him.

“You know,” Michael grumbled, raising a hand to rub at his eyes under his glasses. After a beat of silence he just sighed, “I thought it was obvious how totally into him I was. Am?”

“You.. should-”

Before Jeremy could get any further Michael cut him off.

“Nope. Not calling, not texting. It.. obviously it wasn’t enough for him. So I’m just.. Yeah.” Getting over it. He was getting over it.

“Alright.” Jeremy seemed less convinced.

* * *

Dinner was easier, they were able to slip back into their groove.

“You’re telling me that you, Michael Mell, managed to approach someone and just start a conversation? And exchanged numbers?” Jeremy’s brow quirked and a teasing smile crossed his face as he picked at his pasta.

“Hey!” Michael lightly kicked at Jeremy’s shin under the table. “I can make friends! I just choose not to. Usually.”

“So he’s in your major?” Jeremy brushed past it, still grinning.

“Yeah. I.. think he’s gay too? He kinda hinted at it since I have, y’know,” he paused, pointing to the rainbow flag patch on his arm, “which rocks. Especially being in comp sci with like, a ton of shitty geek guys. It’s cool to find another, potential, queer person.”

“That’s great,” Jeremy said, expression softening a bit. They were both quiet for a moment, taking in the comfort of the other’s presence before Michael spoke up again.

“I didn’t.. mean to maybe be a dick earlier. Y’know? I just..” Michael sighed, poking at some green beans. “I try not.. to think about him, I guess, since it just makes me.. kinda sad. I was selfish. I was a jerk to him and there’s.. no way he’d forgive me.”

Jeremy’s laugh caught him off guard, making him flinch.

“Sorry! I just.. how could you think that? You stood by him after..” Jeremy glanced around and lowered his voice a bit, “you know.. squip stuff.”

“I.. maybe. Yeah.” Michael relaxed again, leaning back in his chair. “Still, he’s gone now. Off somewhere better.”

Jeremy hummed before turning his attention back to his plate, expression soft. Shaking his head he gave a slight shrug, “well.. then we just try and have a good time. You’ve already made a friend.”

“Yeah..” Michael let his own gaze drop, setting his fork down. “Yeah,” he repeated, sounding a bit more convinced.

“We’re gonna have a good year.”

* * *

“How the fuck do you get over gay yearning?” Rich groaned and threw himself onto the futon, wincing as he landed on his stomach. Maybe that wasn’t the best thing to do right after eating dinner. “Or, well, bi yearning. For a boy, though.”

“Wanna come to the poster sale with me tomorrow?” Jared glanced over towards him as he slipped his shoes off.

Maybe a distraction would do him good, Rich sighed and flopped onto his back. A distraction. He’d been good for most of senior year. It was only once Michael got brought up again that he felt a nauseating need for intimacy. “Yeah, why the hell not. We can make this place look a little less drab.”

“After lunch tomorrow?”

“Sure, dude. You’ve been here a few days, you got the rhythm down. I’m along for the ride.” He heard Jared just quietly snort in response to him raising up his hand with just his pinky and thumb out.

“You a fuckin’ surfer now?”

“Well I’m.. surfer _ing,_ eh?” Rich wiggled his eyebrows for no one in particular, waiting for a laugh he knew Jared wouldn’t indulge him with. “Huh?”

“Dumbass.” Jared lightly swatted at his head as he moved past him, settling into his desk chair and opening up his laptop.

Rich snorted quietly and glanced up at him before sighing and pulling his phone out of his pocket, rolling onto his side. He looked at his empty lock screen and furrowed his brows before swiping to tap in his pin. He cringed a bit as he did, it had been well over a year since the last time he’d changed it. Before then he’d changed it fairly frequently, on the off chance that his dad ever got a hold of his phone he wouldn’t be able to get in. Since that worry stopped crossing his mind he stopped changing his password. The last time he had specifically.. well, it had been prom night.

Michael’s birthday. His pin was Michael’s birthday.

A familiar heaviness filled his chest and he tried to ignore it. Normally he was able to mindlessly tap it in but.. not he couldn’t help but think about it a little too long. He was doing a lot of thinking about it all, lately. Thinking but no talking. And, well.. Obviously something had put Jared in a mood and they wouldn’t get any talking done - not that he was usually too open to it. But, he’d at least listen and make snide remarks. This time he just seemed to shut down any conversation Rich tried to start. 

It wasn’t like Rich didn’t have his own moods though, he couldn’t blame him.

He just wanted the quiet ache to go away.

* * *

Michael dreamed about Rich - he blamed Jeremy.

It was a good dream, though. Which.. really, was almost worse. If it was a bad dream he would have been able to dredge up some anger, maybe, and push all the memories away with it. But.. it was a good dream. He found himself chasing the warmth of it.

Flashes of bruised knees and rollerblades. Bomb pops and strawberry soda. Being just a little too close for ‘just friends’ - but not close enough.

Never close enough.

Despite waking up in the middle of the night he felt warm, comfortable. He drifted back to sleep, remembering the night Rich had fallen asleep at his place and they woke up in each other’s arms.

In the morning the memories would hurt. For now he let himself be comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments mean the world <3


	3. Chapter 3

“Hey, Jer?” Michael rolled off his bed, standing on tiptoes to try and peak into Jeremy’s bunk. “You up?”

“Mmph,” Jeremy grumbled, rolling over and lifting his head. His hair was a mess, sticking up at random parts. “What?”

“My friend invited me to that poster sale after lunch today.” After he got it out he stretched his arm, arching his back until there was a soft pop. “D’you wanna come with?”

There was another groan and Michael rolled his eyes, he’d just ask again later. For now he just made his way across the room, squinting in the low light. With the shades closed there were only a few slivers of sunlight falling over the room. Just enough for him to not trip on Jeremy’s outrageous Hello Kitty converse abandoned in the middle of the floor. He paused in front of their sink, eyeing himself in the mirror. He looked tired.

A nearly silent chuckle fell from his lips and he rubbed at his face under his glasses. He’d accidentally woken up sometime around four in the morning, just tossing and turning before hauling himself out of bed nearly half past nine. He’d been right in his predictions, though, his chest ached. It was dumb, he’d decided, to be so caught up on some guy from two years ago.

It was dumb. But he’d just have to deal with it.

* * *

“Fuck offfffffff,” Rich grumbled, swatting at the air around him until he pushed the pillow that had been thrown at him onto the floor below.

“It’s like ten already,” Jared’s unamused voice called up at him.

With a sigh he raised his head, rubbing at his eyes before looking down at his roommate. Jared just met his gaze, unimpressed. That was enough to convince Rich, though he wouldn’t be happy about it. He let out a short grunt as he pushed himself up to sit, shimmying around until he could climb down off the bunk.

“You got like, two hours. Well, if you wanna shower. Lunch at noon.” Jared turned away from him, dropping down onto the futon. He didn’t make a move for the remote, though, nose buried in his phone.

Rich tried not to pay him too much mind, sleepily stumbling over towards their sink to brush his teeth. When he finished he just stared into the mirror, running a hand through his hair. It didn’t feel  _ too  _ greasy and Rich really couldn’t be bothered with all the steps involved with showering. Besides, it was hot out. He’d just shower after they went out for the day. People took night showers. He wasn’t weird.

“Dining halls have anything good today?” Rich mumbled it, biting back a yawn as he headed back towards his bunk. He stood on tiptoes and grabbed his phone from where it had been sitting on the edge of the mattress.

“I’ll check the menu,” Jared responded, equally as mumbled. Something seemed a little off, but Rich didn’t really know that it was his place to ask about it. They were close but.. there was something about Jared that was just kind of closed off - ever since that whole project happened and he’d stopped talking to that Evan kid. Honestly, he was surprised the kid had ever ended up talking to him in their spanish class. But they were friends now and.. most days Jared seemed fine. Everyone had off days.

Trying not to think about it too much, Rich headed over to the futon, flopping down next to Jared. He sunk into the cushions and closed his eyes as Jared listed off the assortment of entrees and side dishes for lunch that day.

* * *

“Are you sure it’s fine if I come with?” Jeremy shifted in his seat, absentmindedly pulling at the sleeves of his t-shirt. His lunch sat abandoned on the plate in front of him, mostly eaten. They were leaving within the next few minutes anyways.

“Yeah, I mentioned you were.” Michael barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes. He knew Jeremy didn’t want to stress as much as he did. “He mentioned his roommate too. It won’t be weird, dude.”

Jeremy just sighed and took one last sip of his lemonade before giving Michael a tense smile. Michael’s return smile was more confident and, honestly, comforting.

“Dude,” Michael’s expression softened and he stressed the word a bit. “It’ll be okay. He’s chill. I told you, college people are cool.”

With a nod Jeremy just wiped his palms on his jeans before standing up, grabbing his plate and cup. Of course, he knew Michael was right but he was still  _ anxious. _

“C’mon.” Michael bumped their shoulders as he moved past him, towards the dish return, carrying his own plate. He was careful not to drop his cup as he stacked his plate onto the little conveyor belt, turning to make sure Jeremy was behind him as they exited the dining hall.

“Have you met your friend’s roommate yet?”

Michael looked up and shook his head before tucking his hands into his pockets, keeping his arms close to himself. As soon as they made it outside he felt a little exposed, almost wanting to turn around and grab his hoodie from their room. It was hot out, though, and he was already constricting himself to jeans. Despite the discomfort he didn’t feel like he would melt, at least. “Uh, nah. Though he might have just moved in, like you.”

Jeremy hummed thoughtfully, nodding a bit.

Michael missed the days where he could read Jeremy without a doubt. But he faltered a bit, staring at the sidewalk. Had he ever been able to read Jeremy properly? He hadn’t even realized how much his friend had been struggling from middle school onward. Before he could beat himself up too much over it, Jeremy was talking again.

“Are we actually getting posters or,” Jeremy trailed off, dragging the end of his word out for a second after.

“Well, yeah. I mean we’re meeting Jared but.. yes? Why wouldn’t we?” Michael tipped his head to the side, breathing out a laugh. The confusion was evident on his face, eyes darting over Jeremy’s features.

“I dunno!” Jeremy held up his hands defensively, though there was a grin on his face. “I thought you said he texted you something about his roommate probably being your type.”

“Oh, fuck off,” Michael mumbled, feeling his face heat up. “I’m not like, looking to date anyone. I’d rather it be.. like random if it happens.”

“Stuff like that barely happens randomly.” Jeremy rolled his eyes, kicking at a stray pebble. It crossed in front of Michael and he watched, laughing, as Michael gave it an exaggerated kick. “You just don’t wanna meet more people.”

“I can meet people!” Michael pulled his hands out of his pocket, gesturing with them in a way that easily came across as a little too defensive. “I met Jared! I just.. I don’t know! I’m not really looking for that.. probably.”

Neither of them said anything but they both thought about Rich. Jeremy wasn’t cruel enough to bring him up and Michael was too deep in denial to.

“Alright, alright.” Jeremy pushed his hands into his pockets, shrugging. “I wanna see if he’s your type though. I wanna see if it’s so obvious that your new friend can figure it out.”

“I don’t have a type!” Michael rubbed at his face before crossing his arms, willing the warmth to die down.

Jeremy just breathed out a breathy laugh.

* * *

“It’s disgusting out here,” Rich grumbled, squinting against the sun. 

“Idiot,” Jared rolled his eyes and tugged on the brim of Rich’s hat. “Wear your hat like a normal person. It blocks the sun.”

“It looks hotter like this! Backwards hats are cool.” Rich swatted at Jared’s arm and hopped a few inches away from him as they walked. 

In the end he had changed into a tank top and some shorts, hoping to keep as cool as he could. After everything was said and done, sticky heat made him vastly uncomfortable in his own skin. And, all things considered, he’d learned to be pretty comfortable with himself - though campus was way bigger than either high school he’d been to. There were a lot more people to stare. Jared seemed to catch on to Rich’s discomfort, bumping him with his elbow.

“D’you want my shirt?” Jared gently tugged on the ends of the open button up he wore over his t-shirt.

“Nah, I’m good.” Rich brushed him off, waving a hand. Though his voice was a bit small. 

At least they were almost where they were going. Hopefully everyone would be too caught up in flipping through posters to pay him much attention.

“Okay, heads up. That guy I met this week, we’re meeting up with him.” Jared glanced over at Rich as they crossed the street. “And his roommate.”

“Really?” Rich rolled his eyes, absentmindedly cracking his knuckles as they headed towards the tent set up in the little park by one of the bigger campus buildings. So maybe Rich wasn’t really familiar with the buildings yet, sue him. And, well.. maybe it wasn’t quite a traditional tent, but Rich wasn’t sure what else to call the set up. A tent with no walls? A big tarp roof?

“Oh, c’mon. Don’t act like you’re shy now or whatever.”

“Okay.. valid. Still!” Rich bounced a bit on his feet, jabbing an accusing finger towards his friend. “This is an ambush. You said he’s my type, or.. whatever.”

“Oh my god,” Jared snorted out a short laugh. “Yeah, yeah. This isn’t a blind date, I swear. Don’t get too hung up on it.”

Rich mumbled some acknowledgement, but it was good natured, a small grin on his lips. They navigated through the crowd, through clumps of people chatting. Rich almost wanted to shout out some nonsense in frustration - why was everyone in his way? They weren’t even looking at the posters!

When they finally made it towards the big tent, Rich slipped into the shade. He let his shoulders relax, feeling better with the heat off his back. Jared followed his lead as he headed towards the tables around the edge, standing on tiptoes to peek over shoulders at the assortment. Once he found some video game posters he slipped past a group of people to get to where he could flip through them. There was an overwhelming amount of Overwatch posters and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes - where was the variety?

“Hey, Rich,” Jared mumbled and bumped his elbow to Rich’s arm. “They’re here, I’m gonna go grab ‘em, you keep lookin’.”

Rich hummed softly to show he’d heard him and kept flipping through posters. It was a bit of a struggle though, the posters were all flat and basically put into a display. Normally it’d be easy to flip through but in stores they were mounted on walls - these displays were like big flat books on the table. Not to mention it wasn’t a catalog telling you which poster tube was which poster, the actual posters were all inside, shoved into the ‘pages’ of the huge display book in stacks. It was heavy and gravity was working against him. Every time he flipped a ‘page’ there was a heavy  _ slap  _ sound.

* * *

Michael lightly elbowed Jeremy as he spotted Jared through the crowd, tucking his phone into his pocket. He gave a short, but enthusiastic, wave as Jared almost half jogged to meet them.

“Hey, man. This is Jeremy,” Michael tipped his head towards his friend and smiled as Jared gave him a mock salute. “And this is Jared.”

Jeremy just flashed a smile and gave a shy wave - if they were anywhere else Michael would have teased him for saying Michael was bad at meeting people, but they were in public and Jeremy was stressed enough.

“My roommate’s over here, c’mon. He found the video game posters, so, score.” Jared flashed a crooked grin before spinning around to lead them back towards the tent set up. Michael gave Jeremy a short smile as he followed after his friend. 

As they pushed through people he peeked over Jared’s shoulder (a perk to being tall) as if he would be able to tell who his roommate was. There were a few people spaced out along the tables they were approaching, flipping through posters. Michael couldn’t help his gaze landing on a short guy with his back to him, arms crossed as he leaned forward to inspect a poster. Something about him almost seemed-

“Okay, there he is. Shortstack, two o’ clock. Tacky orange tank top.” Jared slowed down so now he was almost falling behind Michael as they walked. There was a fair amount of space around the guy, most people gathering in groups around other poster set ups. Michael squinted a bit, but before he could say anything he saw Jared surge past him, jogging up to the guy. He leaned in, mumbling something to him. Michael watched the back of his head as he tipped it to the side a bit before finally turning away from the posters.

Michael couldn’t help it when he felt his breath catch in his throat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments keep me inspired <3


	4. Chapter 4

When Rich turned around he wasn’t sure what to expect, probably anything but Michael. Michael Mell. Well, and Jeremy. Jeremy didn’t make him feel like he was suffocating, though. Because he really did feel like he could collapse. He wasn’t sure if it was in a good or bad way.

Before he could elbow Jared or try to put him in a headlock he noticed the way Michael opened up his arms slightly and _yeah,_ he was still mad but here was Michael Mell with his arms open. How could he not take a slight running start and practically throw himself at the other? He flung his arms around Michael’s neck, feeling tears prick in his eyes as he felt arms wrap around his middle.

“I’m still pissed, idiot,” he mumbled against Michael’s neck, squeezing his eyes shut. “But.. fuck. Can’t help but miss your dumb face.”

“I missed you too, asshole.” Michael pressed his face to the side of Rich’s head, spinning them a bit. “Just.. wanna stay like this for a second.”

Rich couldn’t help but indulge him. They could forget for a second and just pretend things were normal. Just for a minute. Because he felt warm and whole. It was scary how good it felt.

“I hate to interrupt,” Jeremy took a step closer, bumping his shoulder against the boys before crossing his arms. “Jared left.”

“Asshole,” Rich grumbled, taking a step back and smoothing out his shirt as he dropped from Michael’s arms. “I don’t know how but he absolutely must have figured out that we knew each other.”

“No hello?” Jeremy arched a brow and let out a short laugh as Rich nearly tackled him, hugging him tightly. It wasn’t as extreme as he hugged Michael, but it was nice.

“Shut up, tall ass. How are you?”

“Surviving.” Jeremy flashed him a smile, giving some awkward finger guns. Rich couldn’t help but laugh, he really hadn’t changed.

“How are you, though?” Michael leaned into the conversation, concern edging into his voice.

“Well that’s a story and a half, huh?” Rich felt his own expression soften and he fidgeted with his hands before nodding towards the table behind him. “I’ll spill but you gotta help me find a poster for my room.”

“Deal,” Michael said quickly, standing to Rich’s left as they went back to flipping through the display. Jeremy watched them carefully before leaning on the table on Rich’s right, half watching them go through the posters.

* * *

“Well, that’s nice. I’m.. really glad you found someone to be there for you. He’s funny. We met because of that early move in shit we had to go to.” Michael said, pulling out a Splatoon poster for himself, holding it close to his body along with Rich’s Legend of Zelda poster. 

“Oh yeah, he’s a fucking asshole. He’s great.” Rich snorted out a laugh, shaking his head a bit. “It was just nice that.. he didn’t know me as.. you know.”

 _The kid who started a house fire._ It didn’t need to be said.

“Yeah. I can imagine,” Michael sighed softly, barely resisting the urge to press their shoulders together. Sure, they’d hugged but he had to remember things weren’t fixed yet. He had to be careful.

“Hey, Micha,” Jeremy stood up straight, leaning over a bit to talk over the general rabble of the crowd. “I’m gonna head back, if that’s cool? I’m gonna call my dad. If you see something for me, grab it and I’ll pay you back.”

Michael wasn’t sure if he really wanted to jet because of the tension between him and Rich or that fact that there _was_ a crowd. Either way, he couldn’t blame him. “Yeah, man. All good. I’ll see you later.”

“See ya, tall ass,” Rich gave a mock salute, pulling a wide grin that made Jeremy just roll his eyes.

“I can cover you,” Michael said as he watched Jeremy squeeze through the crowd. “For the poster.”

“I.. thanks.” Rich kept his gaze down, letting his shoulders relax. After a moment he nudged Michael with his elbow, leading him over towards another set of posters to flip through. It seemed to be an assortment of fictional characters from various media.

“Not that I think you can’t.. uh.” Michael sighed and just followed behind Rich. “I just want to be able to do something for you.”

“I get it,” Rich said, lifting his head to show a tense smile. “It’s alright.”

They fell quiet while Rich flipped through the posters before he stopped on one covered in Sanrio characters. He glanced up at Michael and his smile was a bit more genuine.

“Oh my god, this is perfect for him.” Michael slipped the poster out and added it to their stack, snorting quietly. “Okay, let’s go check out.”

The line had grown shorter and Michael didn’t want to linger until it got long again. 

* * *

“Hey,” Michael spoke up when they were finally free of most of the crowd, heading along the sidewalk. At least their dorm buildings were next door to each other. It made it less weird to walk back together. “I didn’t want to.. like try and say shit when we were, like, surrounded by a billion fucking people.”

“Yeah,” Rich mumbled, pushing his hands into his pockets so that he wouldn’t accidentally bump Michael’s own as they walked.

“We can probably kick Jeremy out and just.. talk in my room if you want?” Michael fidgeted with the rolled up posters he carried. “I wanna like.. give you a real apology.”

“Alright,” he was nodding as he responded, raising his eyes to give a slightly strained smile. “Better be worth my time.”

Michael was already shifting to cradle the posters gently under one arm so he could pull his phone out and text Jeremy as they approached the dorm buildings. He let out a short laugh, Rich was starting to sound a bit more like his normal self, at least.

* * *

“Before we even.. get through anything else,” Michael started, setting the rolled up posters on his desk. He stayed standing as he watched Rich sink down onto the futon. It did put him at ease to see him taking his shoes off, a subtle sign that he was willing to stay. “I need to apologize. I’m sorry, Rich. I really am.”

There was a beat and Rich just nodded.

“It’s not the same at all but.. it was selfish of me and really dumb, considering how Jer and I were going through shit because _he_ had been selfish. I got my apology from him and.. I never was able to give you mine.” Michael fidgeted, keeping his gaze pointed towards the ground. It was easier to talk without eye contact. “I’m.. really sorry. And I’m so happy that you’re safe. That you made it out.”

Rich just sighed and patted the futon next to him. Michael perked up and hurried to sit next to him. Though he sat up so straight it was almost awkward, struggling to keep still. He didn’t want to push anything. “Thanks. I’m.. sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I wanted to but it just.. with prom and everything. I didn’t want to ruin it, but I did anyway.”

Anyone else might have struggled to make sense of some of his words as he mumbled it, lisp a bit more obvious.

“Don’t.. you don’t have to apologize. I.. get it. I think? I can’t imagine how horrible the whole thing was. I’m just.. proud of you? I’m just happy that you were able to get away from him.. from that house.”

Rich sniffled, rubbing at his face as he turned away a bit. He barked out a shaky laugh, hiding behind his hands. “It’s so stupid,” he stumbled through the words, lisping heavily, “I.. just can’t stay that mad at you.”

“C’mere?” Michael had a fond smile crossing his face as he held out his arms. Rich peeked at him through his fingers before leaning over to just drop into his arms. Michael wrapped himself around him, one hand hesitating before inching up to brush hair away from Rich’s forehead.

“I had like.. a whole pissed off speech for you. I’ve been thinking about it the whole time, just in case I ever, like, ran into you. But now I can’t remember it! You suck.”

Michael couldn’t help but bark out a short laugh, holding onto Rich a little tighter. “Well, if you wanna yell at me, be my guest.”

That was enough to get Rich to let out a quiet chuckle, bringing his arms to wrap around Michael, too. They sat in silence for a few minutes before they both pulled away, avoiding each other’s gazes as they smoothed out their shirts. The closeness almost left him out of breath and he could just imagine Jared’s stupid laugh (it was very loud and sounded horribly fake sometimes) - so maybe he was right, maybe Rich had a thing for Michael that he hadn’t let go of.

“Um,” Michael swallowed and cleared his throat, rubbing his palms on his jeans, “should we let Jer come back?”

“Shit,” Rich let out a breathy laugh, relaxing against the futon, “yeah. I forgot we kicked him out. Could we play games or some shit?”

“‘f course, dude. I hooked up my Switch, I have most of my consoles but none of the other ones are hooked up yet.” Michael was already getting up to turn everything on, shooting Jeremy a text.

“That’s fine,” Rich waved a hand, making himself comfortable. He tried to keep his eyes from lingering on the other too long. “Mario Kart? I just want to be able to beat Jeremy at something.”

Apparently he didn’t have to ask twice because Michael gave a lopsided grin as he adjusted his glasses, reaching for his Switch to change out the games. Rich pulled his gaze away to look at his own phone. Right. Jared. He shot him a quick text, letting him know that he might not be around whenever Jared got back to the room. All he got was a bland acknowledgement, no joke or anything, so he made a note to ask him if something was up later. For now he tucked his phone back into his pocket, lifting his head when the door opened. When Jeremy saw the game on screen he groaned a bit but he couldn’t hide his smile.

It felt right. Everything just felt _good._

* * *

With two races down Michael tapped the pause button, laughing when the other two let out frustrated noises. Through his own chuckles he tried to get his thought out, “okay, okay. Hear me out. We go out to dinner. Winner picks the place.”

“Okay, but who’s paying?” Rich leaned forward a bit, furrowing his brows. His fingers still gripped the controller tightly, ready for the game to unpause.

“Me. My treat.” The smile that Michael gave made Rich’s heart do an odd twist and his gaze flickered away.

“Okay, you’re on!” Jeremy half shouted from the other end of the futon, causing the other two to erupt into laughter. “What?”

“You’re in like 8th place?” Michael tilted his head, words shaking with laughter.

Jeremy’s response was just to raise his middle finger.

“I gotta text Jared then. He probably won’t care,” Rich said, eyes still stuck on the screen. He wouldn’t be surprised if Michael unpaused the game in the middle of their conversation to throw him off. “We can have dinner with him tomorrow.”

Just as he suspected the game was unpaused halfway through his sentence and he couldn’t help but roll his eyes as he took it in stride. Jeremy, on the other hand, squeaked and scrambled to get a more stable grip on his controller.

Rich couldn’t help but be comfortable, squished onto a futon between two of the people he’d missed most from high school. It wasn’t quite the same, but it didn’t feel off. Everything about it just felt nice. He made a mental note to thank Jared the next time he saw him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments keep me goin <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so,, the first scene and the dinner with everyone arent super detailed and everything bc those scenes are also in the sister fic (the kleinsen fic) and its more written out and i dont wanna put the same scenes in two fics hah

It had been a good day, really, spending time with Michael and Jeremy was easier than he thought. Well, as long as they were ignoring the elephant in the room, which it seemed they were all content with. They just spent the afternoon together and got dinner. Rich ended up pulling out the win and picked a cute looking sushi restaurant. He hadn’t had sushi since before he’d moved away, with Michael. It was something he’d found himself missing, it was nice to have it back. It was nice to have Michael back.

Sometime around 8 that night he made his way back to his room, suddenly having Michael back and spending  _ hours  _ with him was exhausting. He almost felt as if he could cry from the emotional rollercoaster his brain had gone on. Not to mention how it made him ache just to look at Michael’s  _ hands. _

When he’d gotten back the room was dark with no sign of Jared, so he kicked off his shoes and shorts before climbing up into his bunk to just lay down for a bit. He’d slipped in and out of a dozing state and was only fully roused once Jared finally got back an hour later. After some questioning he was able to drag some information out of him, he’d been gone to dinner with his  _ own _ estranged high school friend. 

The conversation had ended with Rich feeling fairly certain they were both a bit of disasters when it came to romance and having crushes on close friends who were just out of reach.

Rich didn’t dream that night, for once.

* * *

“How.. so, how..” Jeremy’s voice was hesitant and it drew Rich’s attention away from his phone. He had a feeling he knew what Jeremy was trying to ask but he wasn’t sure he could even get himself to say it first, so he waited. “How is it.. being around Michael?”

“Uh,” Rich cleared his throat, glancing towards the door as if Michael was going to come back any second. He knew it was only around 5 and Michael was in class for another hour before they were going to head to dinner. (Pointedly, dinner without Evan and Jared. Because Jared had yet to introduce them.) “I mean I’m.. I missed him. I’m trying to be mad kinda but.. it’s so dumb how much I missed him.”

There was a beat of silence and Rich was settling his phone down, scrambling to make an addendum, “you too. I mean. I missed you too. Everyone, but..”

“Yeah,” Jeremy adjusted his glasses and just smiled (tensely?). “I get it, dude. You guys were..”

“What,” Rich butt in and winced at his eagerness, “I.. did he say something?”

“You guys were just.. really close, I mean.” Jeremy shrugged, picking at a thread on his shirt. “You were.. a really good friend for him? Before I was really able to get close to him again, I mean.. you know? You did so much for him.”

Rich snorted, almost in disbelief. Though he couldn’t help the light flush over his cheeks, rubbing at the back of his neck.

“I guess we were able to.. sort of help each other during that time. Leaving was.. hard.”

There was a brief silence before Jeremy hesitantly held his arms out, looking at Rich softly.

“Thought you weren’t touchy, Heere?” Rich was already moving, though, leaning against Jeremy’s chest. He wrapped his own arms around Jeremy’s middle, letting out a long breath.

“I’m.. getting better at stuff!” Rich could practically hear the blush in Jeremy’s voice, just chuckling where his cheek pressed on his shoulder.

“‘m glad, dude.”

After a moment they separated, leaving Rich feeling warm. Maybe he was a little touch starved.

“How is he?” Rich couldn’t help it from coming out, rubbing at his arms. He half expected Jeremy to brush it off, to tell him to ask Michael himself, but.. well, he only sort of did that.

“He’s alright? I mean.. he’s not like unhappy, you know?” Rich found himself nodding along. “I can only say so much, I guess. He’s been.. maybe a little better since you’ve been around. I don’t know if..  _ better  _ is right but.. he’s been happy.”

“Me.. me too. I forgot how nice it was being around you guys.”

When Rich looked up he saw Jeremy looking at him with a wide smile, snorting out a laugh once he noticed. They both broke into quiet laughter before finally quieting down, turning their gazes away. It was still going to take some getting used to but it was nice to be rebuilding everything. 

* * *

“Okay, I’m giving you dibs on my next craft slot opening. So you better appreciate me,” Michael led the way into his and Jeremy’s dorm. Jeremy looked up from where he was sat at his desk as Rich followed Michael in, giving a little wave that made Rich’s face light up.

“Suh, dude,” Rich flashed a peace sign as he passed Jeremy’s desk to lean on Michael’s as the other dropped his backpack and moved to dig through his desk drawers.

“D’you want bi colors?”

“Yes, bitch!” Rich watched as Michael pulled out some bundles of thread, unraveling them so he could set them up to be braided into a bracelet. He couldn’t help but breathe out a short chuckle at the idea he had ‘dibs’ - Michael had already told Rich he  _ was _ getting one. It was still nice to hear it though. Like he had a special place in Michael’s heart. Or something.

Watching Michael bite his lip in concentration was proving to be a bit too much as Rich felt his face heat up. Fidgeting with his hands he just shifted to lean on Jeremy’s bunk, directing his attention towards the other before his thoughts could wander too much.

“‘s like first week of classes, Heere. What are you working on?” He crossed his arms and tilted his head, he couldn’t quite see what was on his laptop but he saw Jeremy close out a tab.

“Oh,” Jeremy lifted his head, pushing his glasses up and brushing his hair away from his forehead. “It’s not, uh, school.” Rich couldn’t help but smile a bit as the slight lisp slipped out, it always put him at ease over his own when it was too hard to mask. “Social media.. y’know. Looking at some.. uh, podcast recommendations and stuff. I like listening to podcasts when I doodle.”

“Power to you, man.” Rich gave him a mock salute. “My brain refuses to focus on podcasts. My one brain cell is always distracted.”

“Mood!” Michael butt in, not raising his head as he worked. “Jer is a menace. He tears through podcasts like nothing, it’s crazy.”

“I mean.. I just listen to them at a normal rate?” Jeremy moved to fidget with his hair again, it was pretty long compared to the last time Rich had really seen him, long enough to tuck his bangs partially behind his ear.

“It’s a talent,” Michael just added before falling back into his concentration.

“Well,” Rich smoothed out his shirt, turning back to look at Michael again as he worked. “What did you guys think of Jared?”

“I mean, I only saw him for like.. a few minutes?” Jeremy perked up again, though his eyes were back on his laptop. “The fact that he figured out you two knew each other.. that’s really funny.”

“He’s kinda an asshole,” Michael said, looking up from his work, “I love it.”

Rich snorted out a short laugh absentmindedly rubbing at the scarred portion of his arm, “he’s got your approval then?”

“‘f course,” Michael started to tie off the end of the bracelet, “considering he had your back out there when I couldn’t. And c’mere.”

Without even hesitating Rich was moving to stand by Michael’s desk again where he was holding out the finished bracelet. Silently, Rich held out his arm, trying not to flinch when Michael’s fingertips brushed over his wrist. 

Definitely touch starved.

* * *

It only took a few more days for Rich to get frustrated enough to put his foot down, finally pinning down a date for dinner. Not only did he want to meet the guy his friend was  _ obviously  _ pining for - there had been so much shit around a one  _ Evan Hansen  _ senior year and he really wanted to see what was going on with the guy.

Despite all of Jared’s apparent stress the dinner went well. Not only was Evan a lot more down to earth and.. with a smaller personality than Rich had gleaned from his speech senior year.. Jared absolutely watched the side of his face the whole time. He considered himself something of an expert in pining and he recognized that look.

“-yeah, for sure,” Michael stuffed his hands in his pockets, walking on Rich’s left as they headed over to his dorm. Jeremy was on his right, nodding in agreeance. 

“Huh?” Rich looked up from where he’d spaced out, staring at his beat up shoes.

“You were right. Jared’s totally head over heels,” Michael snorted out a laugh, “he was just staring at him with the softest fuckin’ eyes.”

“Dude, get someone who looks at you the way Jared looks at Evan.”

Rich broke into a fit of laughter at Jeremy’s words as they made it into the dorm building, heading for the elevators. He rubbed at his face, watching as Michael hit the fourth floor button. “You’re.. so right though!”

“He’s cool though,” Jeremy quickly pinned onto his comment, always worried about how he came across. “He’s funny.”

Michael nodded in agreement, leading the way as the three of them stepped off the elevator and headed for Michael and Jeremy’s room.

* * *

After their dinner they fell into a sort of routine, starting the following week. Most nights the five of them would eat dinner together. Tuesdays Rich and Michael had a class at the same time and Jeremy started grabbing dinner with Evan and Jared so he wouldn’t have to wait until late to eat. Wednesdays it was just Rich, Michael, and Jeremy - at least part of dinner went towards the latest speculation and gossip they had about Evan and Jared. 

Rich popping into Michael and Jeremy’s room turned into him bringing Evan and Jared with and spending most of their Friday nights together. Fridays turned into spending chunks of the weekends together, anything from gaming to studying in each other's company. Weekends evolved into the creation of a group chat that ended up full of memes and declarations of ‘I’m free’ followed up by whoever else was free responding. More often than not at least two of them were together, sometimes just lounging around one of their dorm rooms, taking in the presence of another person. 

It was nice and all but Rich still felt that uneasy pit in the bottom of his stomach. Despite them sharing a class and getting dinner on their own, Rich just never found the right time for them to talk. With a month of classes behind them he couldn’t help but feel he missed the window of opportunity. Bringing it up would just be rubbing salt in the wound - wouldn’t it be? Weren’t he and Michael in a good place? They were. They had to be.

So why did his chest hurt?

* * *

**michael (2:47 am):** are we ok?  
**rich (2:51 am):** its like 3 am  
**michael (2:52 am):** srry dude  
**rich (2:54 am):** arent we?  
**rich (2:54 am):** okay i mean  
**michael (2:56 am):** i dunno  
**rich (2:57 am):** is this like a real convo were having or are u just tired and in a mood  
**michael (2:58 am):** damn  
**rich (2:58 am):** u kno its a legit question  
**michael (2:59 am):** yea but u know me too well  
**michael (3:00 am):** im serious tho  
**rich (3:01 am):** yeah i mean  
**rich (3:01 am):** i dunno   
**rich (3:02 am):** i thought we were ok but also i dunno  
**michael (3:03 am):** u busy around lunch tmrw?  
**rich (3:04 am):** nope  
**michael (3:05 am):** let me take u to lunch? we can talk about it?  
**rich (3:06 am):** i  
**rich (3:06 am):** yea  
**rich (3:06 am):** id like that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments keep me going


End file.
